We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
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On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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