If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
