i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
