i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
