I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
