the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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