idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
