he shaved USA in his pubs
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
