so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
