I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
