Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
