I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
