nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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