is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
