I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize