Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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