Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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