just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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