Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize