I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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