I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
