FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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