Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
