i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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