either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
