Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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