It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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