you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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