I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
