We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
