I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
