Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
