youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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