Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
