no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
