You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
