i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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