I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
