saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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