chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
