Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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