I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
In America we eat man semen.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
