it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
