I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
