Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
