tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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