i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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