how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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