So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
