Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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