it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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