I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
