Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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