I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
