how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
