I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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