so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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