just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
