alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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