Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
