see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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