You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
